THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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