You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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