Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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