First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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