I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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