I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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