i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
