hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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