Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry about my life...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
