there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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