I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
