Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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