I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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