plz talk dirty to me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
