haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
