8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
