I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
