guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
