East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
