We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
