I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Randomize
