need another drink. this is the easiest way
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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