I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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