she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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