How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Less talking, more tequila
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
