im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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