At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
