So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
