I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
