What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize