PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
