Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
