You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
