Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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