went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
