Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
