btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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