if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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