I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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