i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
