i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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