i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
