***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
