Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
