My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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