let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
