i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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