we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
