I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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