The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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