my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
