i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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