Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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