I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
