Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
