yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize