You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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