Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
