so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Porn is love you can see.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
