he puts the penis in happiness.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
