My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
