On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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