I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
