Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize