if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
