I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize