if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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