He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
