I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't put those talents on a resume
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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