I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
