Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize